Solterra Senior Living Blog

After discussing with your loved one about needing assistance (See Blog “Talk to Seniors about Needing Assistance”), a lot of times they will refuse and deny help. Here are some suggestions that may help a senior learn to accept change:

1.  During this process, you and your loved one will not agree on majority of the issues. However, make sure to choose your battles wisely.  Do not make an argument out of little things that are not directly related to their health and safety.  This is going to be a long process, so don’t expect to accomplish everything in one day!
2. Stay strong and don’t get discouraged.  Understand that change is hard and your loved one is most likely not going to be happy about it. Your goal is to help them, which unfortunately is not the same thing as making them happy.  Most importantly, do not tell them that they will be much happier with help or new surroundings. You cannot control their feelings and they may resent your promises of happiness. 
3. When having these discussions, be sure to avoid rehashing past arguments.  Stay focused on what is happening now and what needs to be done about it. Make sure to involve your loved one in all of the decisions you are making.  If you decide to hire help, let your loved one take control of the interview process.  If you decide a community is better for them, let them pick the community. 
4. Additionally, devise a backup plan.  Know about what resources are available to you.  By doing so you will be prepared for anything.  If you start out with in home care, figure out what the next step is before you get there.  Have a plan for your loved one before they need hospitalization.  What would you do if your loved one fell? Having ideas and resources at hand will make any situation easier and less stressful! Plus, you won’t be choosing something because of a time factor.  Take the time now to figure out the what ifs. 
5. Most seniors have difficulty with admitting help because it makes them feel like a burden.  Try to make a deal.  Tell them you will help them with something, and in return they can help you with something else.  This way, you are still making them feel that they can still achieve a sense of dignity.