Solterra Senior Living Blog

For an older adult to admit they need help or can no longer live independently is a very difficult and brave thing for them to do; however, for the majority, they will never admit this on their own.  Not being able to live independently means that they need to rely on others to assist them in daily tasks they never had to worry about before.  No one wants to give up their independence, so trying to convince someone you love that they need help takes a lot of effort.  If you see that their health and safety are at risk, you need to start the discussions now (See Blog “The Right Time to Talk to Your Aging Parent”).  Below are some tips that you should keep in mind when you are trying to convince your loved one that help will benefit everyone.

Remember that resistance is natural and since seniors want to stay independent as long as possible, understand that they are going to defy change.  Even though you may become frustrated, know that change is difficult for everyone, no matter their age.  Try to put yourself in their situation and think about how you would like to be treated when and if this happens to you.  No one likes to admit that they need help from someone, especially when it comes to something they are so used to doing on their own. 

Unless safety is an immediate factor, introduce changes slowly allowing your loved one time to adjust.  At first they are going to see your help and effort to introduce changes to their lifestyle as offensive, so do not force them into anything.  They will come around and see that the changes will benefit them and then start to accept them.  We need to get them past the initial denial that they need help. 

If the changes you introduce are not being accepted, give them a little more time and then try again.  The best thing to do is not to get impatient.  Showing that you are annoyed also shows that you do not understand.  If frustrated, back away from the situation because interacting in this manner will do more harm to your well being as well as your loved ones.  Perhaps offer a trial period; this way they still have the option of making their own decision and feel as though they have more control over their life.  Most likely, they will come to realize during this trial that the help is actually needed and move forward with the changes. 

Additionally, when having the discussions with your loved one, be sure to suggest that they need help and know when to stop pushing.  Do not make it seem as though they need assistance as a result of their limitations, but as a way for them to enjoy other activities and not the burden of keeping house.  If you force something upon them that they are not ready to accept, this will affect your relationship in a very negative way. 

During the process, be gentle and try your best to find ways to compliment them in what they have been doing.  By boosting their sense of pride, it might help them better understand that the goal is to help them maintain as much control over their lives as possible, not take it away.